Alex is the most clumsy kid on the planet, there is no denying that but he has never been seriously hurt from falling before. The kid is built like a tank, he never cries when he falls down and yet the one time he does, it is extremely serious. The poor kid almost broke his cheekbone and has the worst bruising I have ever seen. It makes me hurt and almost cry just to look at him. I have never felt so bad.
To review what happened, he was walking towards the stairs to the playground in the gym, he tripped over his huge feet, and landed face first into the side of a metal stair. Almost instant swelling and bruising, and the worst cries I have ever heard. My heart literally started breaking. We got rushed to the hospital in an ambulance, he refused to let anyone touch it (obviously), and he has to get x-rays. They went to go take his heart rate and he flipped out so to show him it wasn't scary they put it on me. My heart rate starts at 168 and when they pulled it off it was at 174. I don't know if you know this or not but your heart rate should never be that high.
As a mother, I have never been so scared, worried, terrified, sick, and angry at once. I was scared for him, worried about how bad it was, terrified he would have a serious problem, sick because of how bad it looked, and angry because I felt like it was mine and Ryan's fault. The bruising has only gotten worse the last few days, and I have never wanted to hold him and protect him more than I do now. How do you heal from a broken heart? How do you forgive yourself when something bad happens to your children that you know wasn't your fault?
I love my children more than they could ever know, nothing could ever take their place in my heart, and yet sometimes I feel that maybe I don't deserve them. I am overwhelmed with emotions at this point, feeling a little disheveled, and hoping that just because it looks bad, doesn't necessarily mean that he is in pain. I love you Alexander!!!
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