who's spawn is living in my house?

I know it sounds really bad for me to title this blog that way, but I can't figure out for the life of me who's kids these are. I will be the first to admit I was a horrible teenager, maybe not the worst, but certainly not the best. My husband was a brat until he was two and then he shaped up really great from there on out. So why, I ask you, why are my children acting like the spawn of the devil?

They won't listen or do anything they're told, which is understandable for the one year old, but the three year old not so much. I get told daily that I am hated and mean and they don't like me. So what am I supposed to do? Pretend that I don't hear it when it breaks my heart? Or punish it and continue to be the bad guy all the time? A little advice is so needed and very much appreciated right now. I am so disliked in my house right now that even whales I haven't met yet don't like me.

Let me explain. When Ryan got on webcam earlier this week to talk to me and the kids, we told the boys that we would be going to a special zoo when daddy got home. So now, that's all Will talks about. Today I asked him, "Will, what do you want to do when your daddy gets home?" Here is his priceless answer. "I want to go to the special zoo and go up to the whale and say, 'hey whale can I get a ride?', 'sure', 'ok', then he will give me a ride and and then we will go home. But you can't come mommy." "Why not?" "Because the whale doesn't like you."

I can't even get a freaking whale who is having imaginary conversations with my three year old to want to enjoy my company. I think it is a sign, I am not a cool person. You spend your whole life trying to be cool and then right when you think you've got it down, you have a kid and you realize even before they're teenagers that you will never be as cool as you want them to think you are. I have officially given up my coolness card, because apparently I will never be as cool as I think I am.