Am I losing my mind?

So for the last couple of days, every once in a while I keep hearing my doorbell ring, but when I go to the door no one is there. Either the kids in my neighborhood are pulling pranks or I am seriously hearing things. Apparently I hear stuff all the time. I heard the boys talking last night but when I went to check on them they were both completely passed out. I hear the tv on but when I walk through the house there isn't one on. Am I losing my mind?

On another note, I have been watching the show "A Baby Story", seeing all these women give birth to such beautiful children is heartbreaking to me. Because I really feel like I should have one more. Ryan want's nothing to do with that conversation, but I really want just one more. It doesn't even matter to me anymore if it's another boy or a girl. I just want to try one more time.

I have been pregnant 5 times and only have 2 boys. You do the math why he doesn't want to do this anymore. I know my pregnancies were rough, but I really have a strong feeling if we try just one more time it will be different. Especially since there will be space between pregnancies for once. I know that there is no way he will ever want to have this discussion, but something is telling me that I need to do this.

My kids are hectic and drive me crazy, but there is nothing I have loved more than being their mom. Does anyone else understand what I'm feeling? It's like there is something inside me that says I need to do this. Maybe I just haven't gotten over the loss of my little girl. Alex was supposed to be a twin and at 18 weeks I lost her. Maybe there is a deep feeling of need because I was so close and it got taken away from me. This is one of those moments where I could use my husband and my mom for comfort. Of course neither one are here or can get here quickly, today is going to be a somber day.